Becoming aware of gender ideology and the activities of trans activists has triggered feelings linked to my experience of childhood sexual abuse (CSA). I have not felt these feelings so strongly for many years but the sexual objectification of women by AGP men, the threats, silencing, and gaslighting are all very evocative of that earlier experience and have raised my anxiety levels considerably. This in turn has caused a relapse of my physical health as I also live with chronic fatigue syndrome / myalgic encephalomyelitis (CFS/ME). At one point the anxiety attacks and physical and cognitive exhaustion were so overwhelming that I felt in need of crisis support. I looked up my local rape crisis centre as knew that there would be someone at the end of the phone and I just desperately needed a listening ear from a woman who would understand the link between CSA and my response to transactivism and gender ideology. When I found the centre online I was totally dismayed to see that they now offer a service to trans women. I did not ring them as I was really worried that the women staffing the service would not understand my experience and would condemn me as transphobic. At that moment I felt very alone and that this service had been robbed from me. It is hard to convey just how much despair I felt, emotionally locked back into historical abuse by men, and by the current actions of men. I'm now, a few weeks later, in a much better place emotionally but I am still experiencing CFS/ME relapse and don't how long it will take me to recover.
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